The Fourth Trimester

A term I never heard ever during my pregnancy: Fourth Trimester.

No one told me about the fourth trimester. There was no paper handout in the stack with the other 900 pages of do’s and don’ts they gave me prior to leaving the hospital.
There was mandatory video viewing.

A trimester far worse than the other three combine and that’s a bold statement coming from me because I puked day in and day out through those other 3 trimesters!!!

When pregnancy is just a distant memory and you realize you are nothing but a barely functioning shell of the person you use to be and nothing you thought you’d be once your tiny love arrived. When you realize you’re someone else and you have lost yourself.

The fourth trimester: A time you realize you hate so many people.
People at one time you loved. A time when trust dies in an instant.

The fourth trimester: A time when people give you advice and expect you to follow their advice like they are the supreme book on parenting and child rearing. When you realize you don’t want to follow their advice because you’ve seen how their kids turned out.

The fourth trimester: A time when even complete strangers think it’s okay to ask about your breasts and how you feed your child. And by ask I mean judge. When you already feel like a failure because your body decided to be useless in the Breast milk department. A time you force down literally handfuls of prescription meds and supplements. 39 pills a day, so I’m not accused of exaggerating (because yes, I did see you scoff when I said I was in labour for 36 hours)! A time when you have no time because you have a Breast pump attached to you literally hours a day trying to suck out the one tiny ounce of milk your body produces with the help of the handful of pills… Plus the lactation cookies and tea that taste like crap but you keep at it because every-time you consider stoping the guilt sets in. You keep hearing that little reminder that every drop of Breast milk makes a difference. Breast is best! Liquid gold trumps sanity… No one tells you that… But you’re a horrible mother if you don’t provide your child the gift of Breastmilk. At least that’s what society tells you. They don’t tell you how hard Breastfeeding is.. But you learn that the hard way in the early days of the fourth trimester!

The fourth trimester is when you get your 6 week postpartum phone call from public health. When they evaluate how you’re coping and you realize how fucked up societal pressure is on new Mom’s. When that phone call makes you want to snap because why am I considered not coping well because I told someone how I felt! Oh right because I used the term “cunt” as a superlative when telling someone how I felt about them and their overbearing advice/demands/breathing … You get the point. Apparently the fourth trimester is when they decide to remind woman that we need to use our coping skills and by coping skills they mean be nice to people we want to punch!

The fourth trimester is the glorious time everyone and their dog gets to blame your feelings and actions on your hormones… Even if your actions are based on their actions of them being a dick!! It’s a cool state of affairs when someone backs you into a corner and then tells you maybe you needs meds or counseling.. Maybe it’s PPD….. Or maybe just fucking maybe it’s not postpartum and it’s not my hormones… Maybe you’re just a cunt… Shit see above point… My bad!

The fourth trimester: the time everyone wants to come visit you and new baby! Because you know you want visitors when you haven’t showered in three days!!! You know it’s hard enough to put down a new baby but when you do get that chance you best learn to power clean your house because you need to look like you’ve got this new Mom shit under control! If your lucky though your visitors will offer to help… Don’t worry though by “help” most people mean come over and hold your baby during the time of day he’s calm.

So yes I’m living the fourth trimester right now and all I want to do is cuddle my baby and tell the rest of the world to fuck off.., except when he screams for 3 hours straight despite me having done everything I can think to calm him down… Then I want to rip my ears off and cry… But that’s probably just the PPD you think I have!

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You’re My Whole Word; A note to my son

You came into this world on a Wednesday evening in early February and nothing has been the same since. My every thought is about you, your life, and how I can care for you and protect you. I love you.

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I know I’m biased and think you’re the most beautiful baby boy ever! Fortunately everyone agrees with me and tells you constantly how handsome you are! Embrace it, enjoy it but don’t let it go to your head!

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As we lay here on the couch with you sound to sleep on my chest I can’t help but feel complete. Quiet morning cuddles on the couch. I know in years to come I will long for this and the smell of your tiny head… I am so in love with you tiny little man. The love I feel as a Mother is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced or imagined.

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I never fathomed having a baby would change everything so much. The way I see the world has completely changed since I met you. My dreams, my goals, my needs, my wants. Everything is centered on you. Id give you the world if I could.

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I can’t give you the world but I will do my best to give you our little world. I will love you ferociously and protect you with everything I am. I will teach you everything I can and support your dreams and goals. Most of all I will always be here for you.

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I will spend the rest of my life loving you and doing everything I can to bring joy to your life because in this short month the joy you have brought to me is remarkable.


You are my little Boo bear and words cannot even begin to express how I feel about you. You’re my everything, my whole world.

Love Mom

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It’s So Quiet In Our Little World Tonight

You’re only getting better with time… I can’t wait to see your beautiful eyes and hold your tiny hand. I want to count your tiny toes and be the one to make it all all right. I cannot wait to hold you. I cannot wait to be overjoyed by the tiny perfection we’ve created.

I don’t mean to rush you but nights like this when it’s just the two of us I just can’t help but be impatient.

Soon.

Once we make it through the gorgeous Fall and icy winter. Once we celebrate Christmas and watch the calendar change to a brand new year, then I get to meet you.

All the best things in life take time, beautiful baby I already adore you. Take your time, you’ll be ready soon.

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Our Lives Are Made In These Small Hours

There’s a tiny little life inside of me … I’ve seen you once and watched your tiny heart flutter. I’ve never met you but I’d protect you with everything I am and everything I have. We heard your heart beat and it forever changed us. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing matters as much as you and you don’t even have a name yet.

I’ve spent the last 15 weeks with you and have already learned so much. You’ve taught me that my body is capable of amazing things. You’ve taught me that your Dad is truly the most patient, understanding, and giving man I’ve ever met. You’ve taught me that even when life is hard it’s worth fighting for. You’ve reminded me that life is amazing. And most importantly you’ve taught me that sometimes you have to wait patiently for amazing things to happen.

You’re my little lemon. I pray you have your Fathers ability to love and forgive. I hope you have his ability to be calm. I hope you get my eyes and my love of life. I picture you as a tiny little talkative smarty pants who can justify anything. Your negotiation skills will I’m sure be the death of me, but I deserve it!

I can’t wait to meet you but I don’t want to rush this experience. I’m so sick but it’s all worth it. I love you ferociously, sometimes it makes me cry! Because of you I will never take a single breath for granted.

I think you’re a boy but if you’re a girl your Daddy is done for! You are lucky because you have an amazing father. He’s loving, and stoic. He’s the most forgiving, strong man I’ve ever known. He has taken care of me since the day I met him, even when I made it an extremely difficult task. He will protect you with every fiber of his being. If you’re ever scared he will make it better, I promise.

So many people are waiting anxiously to meet you. But right now you’re all mine. We are on this little journey together. People can’t help but notice I’m starting to show and everyone is talking about you. I’m sure you hear Grandmas constant chatter about you! You have three amazing beautiful nieces that can’t wait to hold you and teach you all sorts of things! You’re a Seahawks fan… I’m sure you got the memo Grandpa is going to teach you all about football! But for now it’s just you and me. I’m Laying quietly at work thinking about you and breathing in just how blessed I am.

I love you little one,
Mom

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Rainy Sunday = Girl Time!! ImPress Manicure Review!

Last week Influenster sent me the ImPress manicure voxbox. Today Emma and I decided to take these fun press on nails for a test drive!!

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We decide to try out the neon set on Emma because I’m currently sporting fake gel nails already!! I was imPress’ed (see what I did there ;) ) that application was so simple a 9 year old could do it in a mater of minutes!!

It really is just a few simple steps to beautiful nails!
1) Pick out appropriate nails by size for each finger. The kit comes with an assortment of sizes and we had no trouble finding a good fit for each finger.

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2) Use the included prep pad to clean nails.
3) Peel off backing to expose adhesive.
4) Press firmly onto each nail doing thumb last.

That’s it! No wait time, no dry time! Quick, easy, inexpensive, and fun!!

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Removal is just as easy! Peel them off or soak for one minute in nail polish remover.

If you’re like me and can’t paint your nails to save your life these might be right up your alley!! I love all the colors and designs available as well! Check out the collection at Broadway Nails

I was provided these nails complimentary for review purposes. Opinions are my own and unbiased.

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